November 15, 2015 was a very long day for us. It was the day that our landlord gave us to be out of the house by. It was a Sunday, so we were both scheduled to work very long shifts. I called out of my job because I desperately needed the time to finish cleaning our new apartment as well as time to go for the U-haul. Paul started work at 6 am and I went directly to our new apartment with the cat in tow. I cleaned all day at the apartment until I left to pick up the U-haul at 3. Paul finished work around 4:30 pm. We had to drive the hour back to The Little Brown House. We spend all evening and well into the dark packing the truck full. We finally started the hour drive back around 9:30 pm. Thankfully, one of Paul's friends had finished work by that time and help us unload the truck. I help unload the truck while heating up the three-gallon pot of soup that I had made before the move in preparation for the move. After moving, we enjoyed the soup and a couple beers. That was our first night in our new home and out of The Little Brown House.
The next couple evenings, I went to clean the Little Brown House while Paul was working. It was a lot of hard work because the apartment was rather disgusting as well had grown a lot of mold again. We turned in our keys for the final time on Wednesday, November 18, 2015. That day was a quick farewell, however. I think Paul was starting to get a little sad, so I asked him if he wanted to take some time to say goodbye to the House. He said no he was ready to go. I had my goodbye on Tuesday evening, the day before. As I was heading out on Tuesday evening to pick Paul up from work, I paused to realize that that would be my last time heading out of the apartment to pick Paul up. For me, it was mainly a time of rejoicing. I pretty much hated the Little Brown House. I loved the times there but the house was dirty and ugly to me. Paul loved the House and probably would have never moved if it was not for me. I had been trying to get him to move for over a year.
The Little Brown House was also full of a lot of mixed emotions for me. All of the time that Paul and I had spent together had been there. We started our relationship there. We broke up several times there, but ended up making it there. We changed jobs there. We fought there. We laughed there. We cried there. We got drunk there. We were lazy together there. We cooked together there. We had parties there. We killed our child there.
While saying goodbye was mostly happy for me, I still shed a few tears. Leaving the Little Brown House solidified one thing for me: I had chosen Paul and my life course was set with Paul. We were finally in a home that we had both picked and that we both liked. We were finally in a home where everything was in both our names. It was finally completely both of our homes. Leaving the Little Brown House that Tuesday evening, I knew there was no turning back in my life with Paul. I also shed a few tears over the unborn baby. I look at the corner where I had writhed in pain that Sunday evening and started to cry again. We made that baby in the corner and it felt so cold all of a sudden that I had just flushed her down the toilet. I went out to one of the big trees by the road and I dedicated that tree to her. I appoligized to her for her lost life and I asked her to look over me. I asked her to protect my future so that I would not have to kill another baby. I promised I would come back occasionally to visit her. I promised that her death would not be in vain for both my life and for the life of her siblings. After dedicating the tree to her, I walked to the car and drove to pick up Paul from work.
I was happy to be out of the Little Brown House, but I've dedicated this blog to the memories of the Little Brown House. The Little Brown House changed my life forever and set my life course in motion.
